I personally wouldn't go that far, but sexting can be pretty fun and downright hot if done right. The rub is that the act can also be an awkward minefield. Thoughts may cross your mind, like: Is now a good time to sext? What do I even say?
To answer these questions, we asked the sexperts. As it turns out, sexting (like sex itself) is an opportunity for you to liberate yourself, explore what you want in bed, and get to know your partner better.
The joy of sext
Sexting can benefit both you and your budding relationship (or hookup, or however you define it).
By sharing your desires and boundaries together, you're forging a deeper connection. Texting feels lower stakes than talking in person, especially if your relationship is new. Thus, it's a great option if you're shy about sex and have difficulty vocalizing what you want, said Casey Tanner, a certified sex therapist and sex expert for toy brand LELO.
Make no mistake, though: Sexting is legitimate communication, even if it's through screens.
Sending saucy messages back and forth can even be a kind of foreplay. It can build suspense and anticipation for when you see each other in-person next, even if that won't be anytime soon.
Consent first, as always
Before anything else, get consent — both about sexting in general and for individual sessions.
Ask yourself if you trust your partner enough to sext, advised Edwina Caito, a head writer at sex/sex toy blog BedBible. Decide if you're comfortable with the activity in the first place.
If yes, Tanner offered more questions to self-reflect: Is your style more flirty, raunchy, or suggestive? Are you OK sending nudes, and if so, what body parts do you want to photograph?
Have conversations about these boundaries before your first roll around in the digital hay. Set ground rules, said Caito, whether they be time-related — such as, don't send nudes before 6 p.m. when someone may be at work — or about what kind of media and messages you will and won't send.
You can even set a boundary for which messaging services you prefer to use to sext. Apps like Snapchat and Signal have features like disappearing chats, and the former sends a notification when the other person screenshots your messages. Alternatively, turn on Instagram's vanish mode for the same features.
As sexuality educator Jamie J. LeClaire wrote for sex wellness shop Unbound's blog, set an expectation for language used in sexts, too. If you're uncomfortable with some words — say ones that describe genitalia — tell your partner, and encourage them to share any words they dislike in turn.
Furthermore, consent at one time doesn't extend to every time. Always make sure it's OK to send through a naughty text or photo before doing it. A tip from Unbound is having a go-to emoji that serves as a way to ask, "Is now a good time for you to receive some smut?"
And never, ever share messages or other media that a partner sent to you (unless they ask you to, that is).
